Yet again there is change in the Steyaert house. Yet again I can feel the twisting pain of not having my boy with me. Scott and Stephen both started school and so the house is quiet while they are gone. Too quiet. This is supposed to be the time I spend with Shaun alone, bonding with him like no other time. Tending to him, loving on him, kissing his sweet nose, teaching him. Instead its all memories, lost dreams, empty arms and a giant hole in my heart. I miss my boy. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you, not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11. This verse gives me not only comfort but direction. God has a plan. Even though I cannot see it fully, it is there and it is to give me hope! I went through my pictures of 2012 yesterday, and what I saw shocked me. These pictures are the way I remember Shaunie. His last months here were so hard and his little body so weak. I didn't want to see it then. I don't know any mother that would. But I can sure see it now. The nasty disease ravaged him and took him away, starting months earlier. His smile lost. His kisses missing. His life so hard. Keeping his breathing and heart rate regulated a chore. Although my heart aches for my little sweet boy, it will sing of the day we are together again and he is WHOLE! I believe this because in John 14 Jesus says, " There are many rooms in my Father's house. I would not tell you this if it were not true. I am going there to prepare a place for you, I will come back. Then I will take you to be with me so that you may be where I am." And in Revelation 21 it says, "Now God's home is with men. He will live with them, and they will be his people. God Himself will be with them and will be their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more deaths, sadness, crying or pain. All the old ways are gone." This will be a great day! One I can't wait for. But until then I will try to keep living this life as an offering to God, teaching my children of His love and forgiveness and praying that they too will be one day in Heaven with me to experience this joy that is promised to us. I will keep running in Shaun's honor, living to the best of my ability, loving recklessly, striving to let his little light shine on through my life to everyone we meet.
