4 weeks....

God is doing amazing things through my little boy. He is teaching me full reliance on Him, its ok to be vonerable, patience with the big boys, how to rely on my community. He is showing me that our reach is much, much farther than we think, that one life can make a huge impact on our community, state and even world. I miss Shaun so much, not to mention that today we would be having a 2 year old birthday party for him since his birthday is on Monday. That makes the day suck. But the good still is that he is healed, in the arms of my Savior, the place I pray each of my children end up, so we can be together for eternity. This time, with Shaun's death, things have been dramatically different. When we lost Sarah, I had terrible empty arms, my world crumbled, I felt like the pits of dispare were all around me. While I miss Shaun, and I have a hole in my life that will eventually be weaved back together (but never gone) I have peace, comfort, hope. I can feel your prayers and for those I am truly grateful. Shaun, my little missionary, has put his mark on most of the continents, reached tons of countries, and has touched thousands if not millions of lives. People are donating to organizations that help disease ridden countries, companies and organizations trying to battle Mitochondrial disease, sponsoring children, pouring out love on their communities, on our family. It is amazing to see God's hands and feet work through tragedy.  I just wish it didn't take such a special spirit to cause a stirring in our hearts.
Pray for us this week, especially on Monday as first 'memory' days are hard not to share with our loved ones. We will sure miss Shaun this week. I am crying for the first time in a long time right now as I type this. It still feels like a dream and I need to wake up. Pray for my boys, that they keep loving wrecklessly, that they can keep talking about their feelings and we can be sensitive as parents for them. Pray especially for my husband, as he tries to lead our family but is broken inside.
Right before Shaun took his downturn, we as a Sunday School did Ann Voskamp's study, 1000 gifts.  This really helped my heart during this time and the time leading up to saying goodbye. One of the main things that she kept saying was "God is good and He loves me." To live Eucharisteo~thanksgiving. This changed my outlook on death (which seems to be taboo in our country), sickness, depression, and anger. If you look for something to be thankful for you will start seeing all the gifts you have near you all the time. This is where I am living. In thankfulness.

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. "
Psalm 100:4

Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.